He Knows Me

"Before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you." (Jeremiah 1:5)

Ok, this really blows my mind. The Creator, God, knew me before He ever formed me. This is incredible. Do you ever have those times where you wonder if God hears you? Sees you? Or if He even remembers who you are? I have gone through those times too many to count. Yet, God never tires of proving His immeasurable love for me. He never, ever will get tired of telling me over, and over, and over, and over again. (I got tired just from writing that) Thank God that HE NEVER STOPS COMING AFTER US.

There are times I don't like myself very much. I go through periods of time when I wonder whether or not God likes me as well. I can be really great and then I can be really, really bad. Like yesterday. I did something so wrong that I wondered how God could ever forgive me. Don't worry, I didn't rob a bank, or harm anyone. I didn't go to a bar, or leave my husband.

It's just that the closer I get to God, the more my sin breaks my heart into pieces. Trust me, when I first got saved, I could cuss someone out while holding a bible in my hands, ten fish stickers on the bumper, and 30 crosses on my neck. And not really feel all that bad about it. I was not ready to die to my flesh yet. Not anymore. Anything that breaks fellowship with me and the Holy Spirit cripples me. I understand how King David felt when he told the Lord not to take the Precious Holy Spirit from him. (Psalm 51:11) That is my worst fear. Honestly, I would rather die than lose fellowship with the Holy Spirit. When I sin, I go into hiding.

But He comes to find me.

Just like He found them: Adam and Eve. He came looking for them. And He comes looking for us when we have sinned. How amazing is that? He came looking for me yesterday..with a whip? With condemning words? With the "you should know better than that" speech? No, that is what the self-righteous do to me. BUT GOD does not do that.

His goodness, His unfailing kindness and love leads me to repentance. He came to me with songs in my heart last night. I felt Him washing my feet in the spirit realm, cleaning me off. My tears flowed freely. I asked God to forgive me. This morning, I chose to afflict my soul with fasting (Psalm 35:13). Not just with food. But with the cell phone, the computer, and anything that would draw me away from His presence. It's not that I didn't receive the forgiveness of my God. It's because of His forgiveness that I chose to chastise my flesh. Flesh wants its way all the time and has to be denied. He must increase. I must decrease. (John 3:30)

"But God demonsrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) I don't know about you, but like the Apostle Paul I felt like one of the "chief of sinners." Bars, theft, fornication, lies, abortions, these are just the few..but CHRIST died for me because of God's love WHILE I was still sinning. I don't dare to boast in my sin. I boast in what Jesus Christ did so that I could be FREE from my sins in the past, the present, and the future. All because of God's unstoppable love. Nothing stopped God from finding me, because all along, He knew me.

Father in Heaven, help us to get a revelation of your unfailing love for us. Help us to run to you, not from you when we fail you. Help us to realize that you "know us" but love us anyway! Your love is unfailing and nothing can stop your love, Father. Forgive us when we don't trust you to love us beyond our faults.

XtremeFaith